Blasphemy

It was a long Tuesday, and as I was sitting at my cube desk I was thinking that it still had a long ways to go. I had planned to go home, deal with things at the apartment, come back into town proper, head to one of the more difficult to-get-to marinas for a LifeSling practice. But I'd also been up since 0400 on maybe 5 hours of sleep. And frankly, I just wasn't looking forward to going out and playing with boats.

Don't get me wrong. LifeSling is ridiculously important. I am gung-ho going to this practice session and learning about it.

R told me there was really nothing to it, when I told him I really thought we should practice, the two of us. "Nah, we don't need to practice. Don't worry about it." FIL said: "We practice it every time we go crabbing. Think about it." (I take them with a grain of salt. I even take myself with a grain of salt, for that matter.) I decided they had dubious ideas about MOB practice and decided to let the matter settle, slightly, and find a different way to bring it up.

Then last night, when I was about to get in the Radio Flyer to do the Pumpkin Drive, I reminded him of my schedule for the week, which included LifeSling. He opened his trap and said, "Just make sure blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah."

To which I said, "Blah? I thought it was easy."

"Blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah. Just remember blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Don't blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. If you blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, then blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, so blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. Blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. But if it's blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah, you'll need to blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah. You see, blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah-blah."

"Um.... blah." My heart dropped. This might be more complicated than he previously led me to believe. Turkey.

Given the complications he finally admitted to, I've now been a little edgy all day. That, plus I'm reminding myself all of the little things I forget and beat myself up on, since I'll be on a boat with people I don't know (and who don't know what an absolute ditz I am). "Oh... hey, sorry. Thanks for noticing I decided to jibe and keeping up with the sheets for me. New to the whole jibing scene. Catboater. Sorry. No, not a catamaran. Catboat." (While they think to themselves, "Who did she say she was married to? OMG! What an idiot. Wonder if her husband's that dull...")

MOB procedures are like knowing what to do in the event of a fire drill, a tornado, a hurricane, a... anything. If not more important, and more likely. I am inherently concerned about safety, and what to do if my husband manages to get himself knocked overboard. Most especially, if he's unconscious. Not out of any particular intention on my part to take the fish whomper to his head (momentarily, anyway). Because he's usually quite graceful, I happen to think it'd take a fit of unconsciousness to occur for him to manage to end up in the drink. In any event, if/when this unconscious event occurs it will be (a) dark, (b) morbid weather, (c) the Hans or whichever other vessel will likely be having some kind of dubious issue, (i.e. sinking, broaching, turtling, etc.), (d) all of the above.

If I were the betting type, I'd bet on "d."

So although I have no question in my mind that I desperately need to go, and that this is unbelievably pertinent information that I need in my life, and that no amount of reading about LifeSling is going to replace the actual chance to practice... I'm tired, and nervous, and edgy. And I Do Not Want To Go. I am not terribly excited about anything other than going home and crashing on the futon in some scuzzy old yoga pants and a big tee. I don't think I even feel like reading a book. I definitely don't want to do housework. Or splice docklines--which is a major, major, major need in my life momentarily. (My parents are visiting in two weeks. You know how it is. People the world over worry about their docklines when Mom and Dad come to visit.)

I realize this not-wanting-to-go is pretty blasphemous and I apologize. It involves boats... I always want to go play boat. How could I not want to? Apparently even I have my limits. And for the day, I have reached my quota of boat-ness. Don't I get a break? I do barges or boats every dang day. No more today, please. I could throw a tantrum.

Don't worry, I'll be there at LifeSling. 6pm sharp.